Children are the most vulnerable population to both physical and emotional abuse but the latter is the most destructive with lifelong consequences. Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, psychological violence or mental abuse, is the type of abuse which incurs severe damage to the victim’s mental wellbeing. Emotional abuse involves verbal abuse, bullying, gaslighting, rejection, stoking fear in him/her, blaming, publicly embarrassing, and financial abuse. Data from surveys and studies show that many of us suffer emotional abuse but we are unaware of it because the society keeps silent over it. This culture of silence is naturalized as we grow seeing our parents, elders, neighbors, friends and teachers shouting on children, servants and students. Most of the time, the abused don’t even know that he/she is being emotionally abused because we have observed and learned that shouting, insulting or abusing is part of our daily communicating.
A study conducted by Hamel, John (2014). Gender-inclusive treatment of intimate partner abuse: evidence-based approaches (2nd ed.). New York, New York: Springer Publishing Company, LLC. Hamel in 2005 reports that “men and women physically and emotionally abuse each other [in intimate relationships] at equal rates”
For emotional abuse, prevalence rates might average around 80%, with 40% of women and 32% of men reporting expressive aggression (i.e., verbal abuse or emotional violence in response to some agitating or aggravating circumstance) and 41% of women and 43% of men reporting some form of coercive control. The emotional abuse has serious impacts on child’s cognitive, emotional, psychological and social development. Unfortunately, most parents in our society don’t even know or care about their children’s emotional development: all we need and demand from our children is to be super obedient, say nothing in return, act maturely and be position holders. There parents often believe that their kids dont understand anything. Keep in mind that they do understand each and everything as kids are best Observers. Every single move of yours is observed by your child. If you scold them, they understand it. If you ignore them, they feel it. Remember that they are human beings like us. They have their own likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses. If you (parents) are going through tough times or stressful situation, don’t unload your burden on your children. We think that emotional or verbal abuse is a normal form of learning. It is not! It is simply torture. A Hadith narrated by`Aisha ra?yAll?hu ‘anha (may All?h be pleased with her), A bedouin came to the Prophet ?allall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of All?h be upon him) and said, “You (people) kiss the boys! We don’t kiss them.” The Prophet ?allall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of All?h be upon him) said, “I cannot put mercy in your heart after Allah sub??nahu wa ta’?la (glorified and exalted be He) has taken it away from it.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]
You can destroy or build the personality of your child because both parents play an important role in the upbringing of the child.
Gregory L. Jantz, Ann McMurray in his book Healing the Scares of Emotional Abuse (1995) says that “There are no bruises to yellow and heal, no gaping wound to point to. But, in spite of their invisibility, emotional wounds are a very damaging form of abuse.”
Children are the victims of emotional abuse. They are abused by their home, school and other settings. Our schooling system is so destructive that even if our children are having healthy home environments, the school ruins their personality. Give your student/child some space. Don’t over-control their lives. But most importantly, don’t nip their creativity, inquisitiveness and uniqueness.
Our words carry energy. Energy which can build or destroys a child’s life. It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin Shaddad ra?yAll?hu ‘anhu (may All?h be pleased with him) that his father said: “The Messenger of Allah ?allall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of All?h be upon him) came out to us for one of the nighttime prayers, and he was carrying Hasan ra?yAll?hu ‘anhu (may All?h be pleased with him) or Husain ra?yAll?hu ‘anhu (may All?h be pleased with him). The Messenger of Allah ?allall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of All?h be upon him) came forward and put him down, then he said the Takbir and started to pray. He prostrated during his prayer, and made the prostration lengthy.” My father said: “I raised my head and saw the child on the back of the Messenger of Allah ?allall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of All?h be upon him) while he was prostrating so I went back to my prostration. When the Messenger of Allah ?allall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of All?h be upon him) finished praying, the people said: “O Messenger of Allah ?allall?hu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of All?h be upon him), you prostrated during the prayer for so long that we thought that something had happened or that you were receiving a revelation.’ He said: ‘No such thing happened. But my son was riding on my back and I did not like to disturb him until he had had enough.” [Sunan an-Nasa’i]. A healthy child will develop a healthy society. Or a healthy child is the bedrock on which a healthy society will grow. We can stop this abuse by educating people around us about dealing with children, telling about the signs of emotional abuse, proper learning and guidance about parenting.
Effective early interventions should take each family’s context, situation and environment into account. Support services should focus on the parent/carers and child individually, as well as working with the whole family together.
